For #WomenRising I would like to address the will to have successful relationships, and what this means for us as women….and men. 

At this time in my own life, I have professionally achieved at a very high level. Now I am pursuant of personal happiness – which many of us have put aside, for careers and obligations to children, and/or relationships that did not work out in the past.

But did we give those relationships the full attention that they needed, to be what both parties desired? Not always are we able to blend together, due to all the variables of life that intercept our notions of love and how to have it. This article is meant for any type of relationship, be it homosexual, heterosexual, or polyamorous. Relationship is energy, and all of the constructs of relationships are simply human, no matter how you express connection.

In hindsight, I see the mistakes, the poor choices of whom to love, and not building true relationships on a solid foundation. My thoughts now center on the ways to make communication in a relationship meaningful. There are many challenges implicit in this goal. How to not push people away, after a lifetime of pain and loss? How to negotiate a landscape outside of youth, that comes with baggage, hang ups, and fears? How to foster understanding, balanced with compassion that lays open our own vulnerabilities to another human being? How to articulate feelings and thoughts, in a way that truly represents both – with clarity to each other? These questions are necessary to move one’s thinking from the past, to forward motion – and to learning how to be trusting and loving, despite the past and whatever your personal story may be.

Relationships are complex. As individuals, we share the same needs for love, communication, understanding, and empathy. However, the details are different for each of us. Our internal embellishments of personal histories are immense, and our stimuli and responses fluctuate over time. I would also add that our emotional intelligence varies within each person, as well as maturity.

As individuals, we long for the primary relationship that mirrors us, to support our growth into the people we are meant to be in this life. We long to be in a connection with another that is steadfast, solid, and that builds each of us to be the best we can be within our own selves. Relationships give us a headspace that says, “I love someone and they love me.” We know this gives new purpose and direction – to not wander the wilderness without another, but to share in life together. This is a human primal need.

Now we have discussed why relationships are good for us. How do we proceed to this goodness? I would like to suggest that women put down their armor, stop fighting to be cared for by another, and allow it instead. In our society, women receive mixed messaging. Be the boss. Be independent. Be mom. Be a loving partner. Be successful – despite the time it takes away from yourself, and what makes you happy. 

Be fucking everything! Find your peace in the material world….

None of these make us content. Without the priority and the reality of self-worth, I say that contentment is impossible. All the achievement and success in the world matters not, unless you have the joy of relationship of some kind. We do not stand alone in the tower, to not share our joy. Women over the last fifty years have revolutionized the world, without a DOUBT. We are capable creatures, who continue to break the glass ceilings and stereotypes. But along the way, we have lost ourselves – the true nature of women to acquiesce within relationship with another. Relationship remains the yin/yang, dark and light, the give and take, and the way of finding the simple pleasures with each other. This allows us to truly blossom. Roles have made women confused. Is it quite possible that we can let down our guards and walls, to experience genuine connection in all ways? Will a relationship, one that is worthy of your commitment, bring you joy? These are questions that only you can answer.

After much contemplation, I have decided that I am worthy of a loving relationship that values me as a person, shows respect, reciprocates affection, and is built upon strong communication. I also understand that as a woman, I need the strength of a man, and this does not make me weak but stronger. Yielding in the dynamic of a man and woman is almost revolutionary in our current times. It does not make any woman any less of a feminist, to respect and honor a relationship with kind, benevolent, munificent giving. I find that giving is my nature, and to not be who I am leads to suffering. We should be cognizant of our need to do so in all relationships. This is a small, but vital shift in perception in one’s views. It is accepting not just the person, but the responsibility of honestly being yourself to another, with commitment and vigor. It is understanding and compassion, to cherish another heart and all of their past experiences. Sincerity and dedication – to love a person with all of you – is a beautiful treasure, to not be taken lightly. Choose wisely the person you give yourself to.

Life demands that you pay attention and to finally know who you are, and who you are in a relationship. Giving and receiving is a natural flow within two people. Women and men need to stop fighting each other, and find ways to serve each other with love, kindness, and caring. Remember: peace in the world starts within yourself, and feathers out to your relationships. Women are beautiful in all shapes, ages, sizes, and colors, as giving, receiving, and nurturing creatures. This article is for us to not forget who we are as women, which make us so powerful in a world gone crazy with confusion.

Written with love by @ZenZen2121


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