The thought I want to discuss this week is that we must not forget to have love in our lives.
The classic successful, strong woman finds love in weak men?
Why is it, that strong women are not able to find the love match that equals their strength? Let me start from the beginning….once upon a time I married a beautiful man who was a musician. This relationship failed due to my youth, and his weakness as an alcoholic. Then, after several years focused on career building and my children as a single parent, I met another man. This man was physically strong but mentally weak due to his severe depression.
Last year, I met a man who was a gaslighter, a narcissistic manipulating liar. Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and to ultimately lose one’s own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. This definition of gaslighting is from the book by Preston Ni, How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters. The man that I met twisted my kindness with his mental abuse. All of these relationships have led me to a lack of trust.
I outgrew all of these relationships while pursuing a fabulous career, and advancing my higher education goals. The weaknesses in those relationships created a duality in me – one side that pushed my strength into deliberate action to achieve, and a second side that pushed to have complete independence from anyone.
For many women this becomes their way of life, in a world of weak men. The issue is that we, as strong women end up pushing everyone else away – in the mistaken pursuit of becoming a person who is not needy or dependent on anyone, in any form. This attitude fails women. We are connected to each other as human beings. We are meant to be a part of others in life.
I justify the difficult relationships in the fact that they taught me how to see. Looking through new windows of perception is a gift. How would I know the torment of addiction, in order to later help others, if I had not seen it up close as I saw in my marriage? How would I recognize the words of manipulation, lying, and gaslighting of our current POTUS, if I had not lived it? Relationships have served to teach me lessons about the dark side of the human condition, at a deeper level of understanding. In this spirit, I reach out to the women who now isolate themselves, in mistrust and in mistaken belief – that relationships are something they do not need in life.
I refuse to give up on the concept that strong women can remain confident, in their abilities and achievements, and still find real love. Love creates wholeness within us. Love also inspires us toward a rewarding life with another. Without some form of connection, we lose part of our creativeness, to take on even the ordinary tasks of life with energy and imagination. Women and men both deserve to find what makes them happy in this world, in this life. If we do not find a balance in love and work, then we miss a joy that can provide like nothing else. We can become mundane, and less empathetic without love. Remember, love is who we are. In order to have love, we must learn to receive and give within all of our relationships, including family and friends. Love relationships are the mirrors to assist us in reaching higher toward fulfilment.
I would like to propose a solution – for attracting the right kind of relationship for your needs -through the Law of Attraction. This law directs us to ask, believe, and receive. Each of these steps then produces a visualization of a future time, one in which you can see yourself embracing your desire in your life. The wish could be for a car or financial freedom. Your wish could be for the love you deserve.
As strong women, we must learn that it is okay to ask. Asking is the first step. Ask boldly for what you want. Speak in your confidence as a woman, from the center of your being, when you state your deepest want. Then you must believe – that in every way you deserve what you are asking for in this life. In this belief, we generate hope, dreams, and self-love. I simply believe that love is a part of life. Love is as natural as the air we breathe. Receiving the love around us helps us on every level – spiritually, mindfully, physically, and emotionally. This is why I will never give up.
Personally, I was having a difficult time in the believing step – after so much disappointment in relationships. What I found was that I see hope and dreams all around us. We just have to look. I see the beauty of love in nature, in watching old people hold hands while smiling at each other. I see love in how we treat each other, despite a world gone mad. Most of us have to work consciously, to master the skills necessary to have a flourishing career. I suggest that your efforts can be successful in your personal relationships as well. Give love a chance…to add joy to your life.
As #Women Rising, we need the strength found in each other. Women are confident in their professions, as amazing leaders with talents and skills. Going forth with strength, in every aspect of life, is important to preserve and increase our power, and never lose it even in difficult times. Find your truth in what you ask for, believing it will come true. And be open to receiving all that is abundantly available. “Move forward in all ways”, as a wise soul tells me frequently. Nothing is more fulfilling than finding balance in love and work.
That balance, in turn, empowers and enriches us – to live the life that inspires both ourselves and others, and gives back to a world sorely lacking in true love.
All love 💗
Kathy RN MSN